10 reasons why having a pony is sometimes completely worthless
Why a pony is sometimes a real pain-in-the-ass – and no, I don’t mean the miniature horse.
The most complicated relationship you’ll ever have in your life is with your pony… okay, and maybe your mother-in-law. You become entangled in a true love-hate relationship. One moment you think your pony is great and the next moment it’s completely worthless. And you always want it back once you’ve grown it, just like that sexy ex-boyfriend of yours you’re attracted to but can’t have a conversation with without the desire to attack him with scissors.
1. A pony is never perfect and is never equal.
The hairdresser cut your pony straight, didn’t he? You start to seriously doubt it when you’re standing in front of the mirror. It doesn’t matter how you comb your pony, it never sits perfectly straight. And so you cut it straight yourself, only to find out that you’ve made it even worse.
No can of hairspray can match your pony’s tendency to fall into a divorce. No, those two curtains on your forehead don’t want to close. Or you need to blow-dry and brush your pony extensively every morning and even then it’s no guarantee that it will stay in place for longer than 10 minutes. Zooey Deschanel doesn’t get a pony right
3. Growing outlasts forever
You’re fed up with your pony and you’ve decided you want to get rid of that nasty thing. It just has to go. However, there is a big problem with growing a pony: it takes an eternity. No, seriously. Before you finally get rid of that bitch, at least a year of awkward growth phases goes by.
4. You keep cutting
Ponies only grow fast if you don’t want them to grow fast. Before you know it, they will take over your entire face. It starts with your forehead, then your eyebrows disappear and then all you see his hair in front of your eyes. So all you have to do is run back to the hairdresser at least every 6 weeks or do it yourself anyway. And when you do the latter, then you get respect for your hairdresser, because cutting ponies straight is an impossible task. Too long a pony is in the way
5. You can’t do anything with it and it doesn’t look really good in any of the haircuts you put on.
Having a pony is sometimes incredibly boring. You can’t do much with it in hairstyles. You can try braiding, but either your pony is a little too short or knows how to escape from the braid like a true Houdini and then stubbornly stick it out. Securing with pins is also an option, but it’s hard not to look like you’ve stepped out of the 90s. And if you think that a loose pony looks nice and playful when you put on a haircut or braid, you’ll often find out quickly enough that this combination is often not exactly flattering for your face shape.
6. Pimples and fat forehead
Take a pony to hide those nasty pimples? It seems like a great idea. But let someone whoever took a pony for that very reason help you out of your dream. It’s a horror. Yes, a pony may hide your acne, but under the safety of a pony, those little volcanoes live all the way out and multiply until there is no more piece of smooth skin left on your forehead. The oil production on your forehead is running at full speed when you have a pony, so if you already have oily skin and maybe even some acne, then a pony is probably not for you.
Sun, sea and beach? Rather a sun, sweat and an unevenly tanned head if you have a pony.
Ariel blows up pony out of frustration
8. You keep washing
Ah, the familiar “sink-washing method”! It’s hard to ignore if you have a pony. You stand almost daily or even more often above the sink and quickly wash your pony because that thing does a spaghetti sample again by forming strands of fat and is very finely stuck to your forehead.
9. You keep seeing your forehead
Do you dream of a nice full pony that covers your forehead completely? Then you have to have the right hair because most of us have a pony that forms strands and that glorious forehead is still visible to everyone within a 100-meter radius.
10. Fixing in the wind
Then once the impossible happens: your pony fits perfectly! One step outside the door and the weather puts an end to your fairy tale. Wind, rain… no ponies are not so resistant to the Dutch weather that can be summed up in one season: autumn. No, seriously, why do we still make an effort to name four seasons? (Okay, this year’s summer was warm and sunny)